Ahh, Lent (II)

Scripture tells us that the Father disciplines those He loves.

I am apparently very much loved, indeed.

Becoming a dewdrop

I've stolen this lovely phrase from my friend Pranayama mama's recent post:

"I want to become like a dewdrop that reflects the entire moon."

On the journey of desire

Here is a lovely article on my favorite topic:

http://marshmk.wordpress.com/2009/03/09/feast-of-st-gregory-of-nyssa/

Give me wisdom

Ah Lent...

It appears that this year's Lenten torture may be revelation about the ways in which I make a poor wife. The completion of which rests on my shoulders to seek out.

To say that I am not looking forward to it is an understatement.

However, this morning's devotional reading delivered Jeremiah 1:11-19, with commentary that included:

"If God reveals something to you, ask for his wisdom to know how to deliver the message. Be assured of his strong protection as you go on his errand."

And so I am in prayer, asking for His wisdom, and thanking Him for His protection.

Filled to silence

Sometimes I am so full of words that the only possible response to you is silence.

More on sex

Stripping sexuality of it's sacredness and treating it as recreation is like using a Maserati for offroading.

Question du jour: on Gluttony

Is it gluttonous to desire more time with one you love than what you get?

My mission field

After catechizing yesterday in my women's group on the sacraments of baptism and confession, it occurred to me that I need to better prepare my answer to the inevitable question:

"So why aren't you Roman Catholic?"

Luckily the answer came while making dinner last night: my current church is my mission field.

From within it I am helping repair the reformation rift, by equipping others to restore the beauty of the sacraments to the church from which they have been stolen.

It is a good answer. I am content.

After His heart

I've been thinking more about my sanctimonious twerpishness, and affirmed that it is indeed true.

I'm an obnoxious little teacher's pet who I would imagine is easy to hate.

In the face of this reality, it is a comfort to remember that He told me I am David, and like David, I am after God's heart.

I am -after- it.

I am filled with zeal for my Father's house. His teaching is my delight.

And I pray that my striving is pleasing to Him who I do so hope to please.

Ahh, the Lenten discovery continues...

I made an ugly discovery today.

Turns out I'm an obnoxiously sanctimonious little twerp.

(Except I'd substitute another word for twerp. And I'm not that little.)

Passionate encounter

This morning God talked to me about the kind of love affair he wants me to have with him. He wanted me to know that it should be passionate.

I thought whine-ily, in response:

"But I've never encountered you physically".

To which he replied:

"Oh, you haven't?"

Becoming like Him

The steady discipline of intimate friendship with Jesus results in men becoming like Him.

-- H. E. Fosdick

Construction vs Creation

“The whole difference between a construction and a creation is exactly this: that a thing constructed can be loved after it is constructed; but a thing created is loved before it exists.”

--G.K. Chesterton

Welcome home

Ahh, the deep comfort of saying "Welcome home".

Tales more beautiful and amazing

"It involves us in all kinds of difficulties in which human ingenuity, unable to discover or imagine a way out, realizes its own feebleness and finds itself at a loss and confounded. It is then that God's purpose is manifest in all its radiance, rescuing souls more miraculously than any writer of fantastic tales, who, straining every effort of his imagination in the seclusion of his study, unravels the intrigues and perils of his imaginary heroes and always brings their adventures to a happy conclusion. It leads souls far more ingeniously past mortal perils, past monster, hell-fire, demons and their snares and carries them up to heaven. All are the subject of mystical tales far more beautiful and amazing than any invented by the crude imagination of mortal man."

page 24 of "The Sacrament of the Present Moment" by Jean Pierre de Caussade

The road to contentment

If I had a car
and pulled up next to you
would you hop in
and let me drive
God knows where?
I wouldn't care
as long as you were with me
the open road
promising miles of you
and quiet contentment.

On prayer for the dead

A formerly Baptist friend asked me about the Catholic practice of praying for the dead. I passed along some info on this ancient Jewish and Christian practice, but concluded with the following, describing the concept of being saved as by fire as St. Paul educates us.

I have a vision of this state of purification as being in his presence but at a distance because the heat and light are too great. And as my attachment to sin is burned away I am able to move closer and closer and closer until I can stand before him, face to face. That process of purgation, of being saved as by fire, is a stage of heaven, one of the rooms in his mansion. The heat of his light and love are the fire which purifies. And the pain of the purification process is the pain of the distance which remains, until that distance is no more.

I just adore the concept of purgatory; it is so very beautiful.

Question du jour

Are we, also, begotten not made?

Crazy with Desire

I need to look at more Sufi poetry:

Tonight I am crazy,
crazy with desire for You.
This impassioned heart of mine
overflows with longing for You

http://ryanbeggar.blogspot.com/2009/02/sufi-poems-four.html

Sureal-ity

One day in December I cried so much that the skin on my face changed, permanently.

Perversion of the magnificent

While driving into the city today I went past a large billboard right next to the inner loop. As usual, it displayed an ad for our area's most prosperous porn shop. As porn shop ads go, these are usually pretty tame. This time it said something about going red for valentines day, with a picture of a provocative red head.

And I thought to myself "ewww."

Then I wondered, why "ewww"?

And I realized that we -should- react to pornography the way we react to a plate full of rotten meat, crawling with maggots. Pornography takes something which is whole and beautiful and full of God's grace, and twists it and destroys it and turns it into something prurient.

Pornography perverts the magnificent.

Ewww indeed.

Love transcends human sense and reason

Love transcends all the human Sense and Reason can reach to.

-- Jacob Boehme

How to read a love letter

A friend forwarded this to me today, from some sort of devotional email list. It connects to a discussion in my women's group this morning.

When your words came, I ate them;
They were my joy and my heart's delight,
For I bear your name, O Lord God Almighty.
Jeremiah 15:16

"Mortimer J. Adler in his classic How to Read A Book makes this insightful observation. "The one time people read for all they are worth is when they are in love and are reading a letter from their beloved." Adler goes on to say that folks read love letters by analyzing every word. They even read between the lines and the margins. The whole is read in terms of the parts, and each part in terms of the whole. The reader becomes sensitive to context and ambiguity, to insinuation and implication. When reading a love letter there is an acute awareness of the color of the words, the order of phrases, and the weight of sentences. Punctuation is taken into account and the imagination is aroused. If never before, or after, each precious word of the letter is read carefully and in depth.

Drawing on Adler's comments, the New York Times published a review for How to Read A Book under the heading, "How to Read a Love Letter." The reviewer noted that when we read a letter from our beloved, it is read so thoroughly and with so many questions, that soon the reader can quote the content by heart. And, in fact, does so—to him- or herself—for weeks to come. The review ended with the conclusion that if people read books with anything approaching the same concentration and zeal, we'd be a race of mental giants!

Using Adler's words and the New York Times review, ponder for a moment what would happen if we read the Bible—God's perpetual love letter to His beloved—with the same zeal! We would indeed be a race of "spiritual giants," mature in our faith and able to withstand the wiles of the enemy. With God's Word hidden in our hearts and echoing in our mind, there would be no room left for Satan to inject doubts and fears! Answers to life's questions and perplexities would come easily. Our prayers would be powerful and effective. All of nature would become our classroom. We would walk in harmony with God and enjoy the intimate fellowship with Him for which we were created.

Now ask yourself another question: when was the last time you read the Bible as if it were a precious love letter? When reading Scripture do you hang on every word and read between the lines and margins? Have you seen the whole in terms of the parts and the parts in terms of the whole? Do the words take on colors and arouse your imagination? Or is Scripture reading just another obligation you must fulfill before you go about the busyness of your life, unaffected by the precious words you gulped down rather than savored and allowed to permeate every fiber of your being? Jeremiah tells us that God's words are to be our joy and our heart's delight.

Today I invite you to read God's word with the heart of a lover. Learn to delight in your beloved because He delights in you and invites you to enjoy Him forever."

Chesterton on religion

"Let your religion be less of a theory and more of a love affair."

--Gilbert K. Chesterton

Sole Deep

In a moment of magic I was with you.
You were in me, and I surrounded you.
Music played and we danced
as if time were a fiction.
Now I am empty, and waiting
carried from place to place
in hope that the right door will be opened
and you will be there
to step into me; sole-deep
companion of my heart.

--Chantelle Franc

Poetry for Valentines Day (I)

Longing

Come to me in my dreams, and then
By day I shall be well again.
For then the night will more than pay
The hopeless longing of the day.

Come, as thou cam'st a thousand times,
A messenger from radiant climes,
And smile on thy new world, and be
As kind to others as to me.

Or, as thou never cam'st in sooth,
Come now, and let me dream it truth.
And part my hair, and kiss my brow,
And say My love! why sufferest thou?

Come to me in my dreams, and then
By day I shall be well again.
For then the night will more than pay
The hopeless longing of the day.

--by Matthew Arnold (1822-1888)

Poetry for Valentines Day (II)

Love's Philosophy

The fountains mingle with the river,
And the rivers with the ocean;
The winds of heaven mix forever,
With a sweet emotion;
Nothing in the world is single;
All things by a law divine
In one another's being mingle;--
Why not I with thine?

See! the mountains kiss high heaven,
And the waves clasp one another;
No sister flower would be forgiven,
If it disdained it's brother;
And the sunlight clasps the earth,
And the moonbeams kiss the sea;--
What are all these kissings worth,
If thou kiss not me?

-- Percy Bysshe Shelley

Planes

I didn't want to hear about a plane crash today.

The first duty of love

The first duty of love is to listen.

-- Paul Tillich

Chesterton on absurd happiness

Jesus promised his disciples three things - that they would be completely fearless, absurdly happy and in constant trouble.

-- G. K. Chesterton

The Broken Heart

He is stark mad, whoever says,
That he hath been in love an hour,
Yet not that love so soon decays,
But that it can ten in less space devour;
Who will believe me, if I swear
That I have had the plague a year?
Who would not laugh at me, if I should say
I saw a flash of powder burn a day?

Ah, what a trifle is a heart,
If once into love's hands it come!
All other griefs allow a part
To other griefs, and ask themselves but some;
They come to us, but us love draws;
He swallows us and never chaws;
By him, as by chain'd shot, whole ranks do die;
He is the tyrant pike, our hearts the fry.

If 'twere not so, what did become
Of my heart when I first saw thee?
I brought a heart into the room,
But from the room I carried none with me.
If it had gone to thee, I know
Mine would have taught thine heart to show
More pity unto me; but Love, alas!
At one first blow did shiver it as glass.

Yet nothing can to nothing fall,
Nor any place be empty quite;
Therefore I think my breast hath all
Those pieces still, though they be not unite;
And now, as broken glasses show
A hundred lesser faces, so
My rags of heart can like, wish, and adore,
But after one such love, can love no more.

--John Donne

Love beyond this life

The rationalist lusts after sexual power, but the heavenly lover loves beyond this life for his beloved.

--Fr. Robert Dalgleish

Hunger

I hunger for you.

Dazzling, radiant, pulsating

From Beyond Smells and Bells by Mark Galli:

"I believe--and it has been my experience--that ongoing participation in the liturgy is ongoing participation in the life of God, and, as such, will lead, as C.S. Lewis envisions human transformation, to a life 'dazzling, radiant... pulsating all through with... energy, joy, and wisdom and love as we cannot now imagine.'"

Batter My Heart, Three-Personed God

Batter my heart, three-person'd God, for you
As yet but knock, breathe, shine, and seek to mend;
That I may rise and stand, o'erthrow me, and bend
Your force to break, blow, burn, and make me new.
I, like an usurped town to another due,
Labor to admit you, but oh, to no end;
Reason, your viceroy in me, me should defend,
But is captived, and proves weak or untrue.
Yet dearly I love you, and would be loved fain,
But am betrothed unto your enemy;
Divorce me, untie or break that knot again,
Take me to you, imprison me, for I,
Except you enthrall me, never shall be free,
Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.

--John Donne

Thirst for happiness and meaning

There is within every soul a thirst for happiness and meaning.

-- Thomas Aquinas

Every creature a divine word

Every creature is a divine word because it proclaims God.

-- St. Bonaventure

Obedience is the stairway of pleasure

From That Hideous Strength:

"The beauty of the female is the root of joy to the female as well as to the male, and it is no accident that the goddess of love is older and stronger then the god. To desire the desiring of her own beauty is the vanity of Lilith, but to desire the enjoying of her beauty is the obedience of Eve, and to both it is in the lover that the beloved tastes her own delightfulness. As obedience is the stairway of pleasure, so humility is the..."

--C. S. Lewis

Ed: Interesting how this quote within a quote was interrupted...

A feast of rich food: Isaiah 25:6

On this mountain the Lord of hosts will make for all peoples
a feast of rich food, a feast of well-aged wine,
of rich food full of marrow, of aged wine well refined.

Comment on suffering from a book discussion board

Suffering is experiencing limits placed upon Truth.

Mother Teresa on longing for God

There is so much contradiction in my soul.--Such deep longing for God--so deep that it is painful--a suffering continual--and yet not wanted by God--repulsed--empty--no faith--no love--no zeal.--Souls hold no attraction--Heaven means nothing--to me it looks like an empty place--the thought of it means nothing to me and yet this torturing longing for God.--Pray for me please that I keep smiling at Him in spite of everything. For I am only His--so he has every right over me. I am perfectly happy to be nobody even to God....

(Blessed Mother Teresa, Come Be My Light, pp 169-170)

I have His darkness

I am not alone.--I have His darkness--I have His pain--I have the terrible longing for God--to love and not to be loved. I know I have Jesus--in that unbroken union--for my mind is fixed on Him and in Him alone, in my will.

(Blessed Mother Teresa, Come Be My Light, p 223)

When at last I cling to you

When at last I cling to you with my whole being there will be no more anguish or labour for me, and my life will be alive indeed, alive because filled with you. But now it is very different. Anyone whom you fill you also uplift; but I am not full of you, and so I am a burden to myself. Joys over which I ought to weep do battle with sorrows that should be matter for joy, and I do not know which will be victorious. But I also see griefs that are evil at war in me with joys that are good, and I do not know which will win the day.

(St Augustine, Confessions, Book 10)

Body and blood reunited

I was thinking about Christ on the cross, the paschal lamb, the perfect sacrifice; how his body and blood were separated just as it is when kosher meats are prepared.

And I realized that when we receive the Eucharist, his body and blood are joined back together, reunited, made one, as we become one with him.

Biblical passages on desire

Just stumbled across a worksheet for a class presented by Randy Alcorn of Eternal Perspectives Ministries (EPM) which I'm going to check out. It contains a list of Bible passages on the idea of desire. (Ed. Note: I don't know anything about EPM, and haven't checked out the site other than this worksheet, and I am therefore not endorsing the author, the organization, or the site.)

Here is part of the introductory text of the document:

"The purpose of this assignment is to see in overview what the Bible says about desire... I've selected passages containing English words such as desire, long, want, wish, yearn, thirst, tempt and crave. There are nearly a thousand such passages, translating dozens of Hebrew and Greek words. This list is only a sampling, perhaps 20% of the passages which could be included."

1Corinthians 12:31; 14:1
2Corinthians 5:1-4
2Corinthians 7:7
2Corinthians 8:10
2Corinthians 8:13
Galatians 1:10
Galatians 5:16-26 (esp. vv. 16-17, 24)
Galatians 5:17
Galatians 5:24
Ephesians 2:1-10 (esp. v. 3)
Ephesians 4:22
Philippians 1:23
Philippians 3:6-14
Colossians 3:5-10 (esp. v.5)
1 Thessalonians 2:17-20
1 Timothy 2:4
1 Timothy 3:1
1 Timothy 5:11-12
1 Timothy 6:9
2 Timothy 2:22
2 Timothy 3:12
2 Timothy 4:3
Titus 2:11-14
Titus 3:3-5
Hebrews 2:17-18
Hebrews 4:14-16
Hebrews 10:5, 8
Hebrews 11:13-16
Hebrews 13:18
James 1:13-15
James 1:20
James 4:1-4
1Peter 1:11-12
1Peter 1:13-14
1Peter 2:2-3
1Peter 2:11
1Peter 4:2-5
2Peter 1:4
2Peter 2:18-19
2Peter 3:3
1John 2:16-17
Revelation 21:1-6
Revelation 22:1-4
Revelation 22:17

by Randy Alcorn, Eternal Perspective Ministries, 39085 Pioneer Blvd., Suite 206, Sandy, OR 97055, 503-668-5200, www.epm.org, www.randyalcorn.blogspot.com

You made us for yourself

"The thought of you stirs him so deeply that he cannot be content unless he praises you, because you made us for yourself and our hearts find no peace until they rest in you"

--St. Augustine

An inconvenient hotel

The most miserable earthly life, seen from the perspective of heaven, looks like one night in an inconvenient hotel.

--Teresa of Avila

The world is a great inn

The world rings changes, it is never constant but in its disappointments. The world is but a great inn, where we are to stay a night or two, and be gone; what madness is it so to set our heart upon our inn, as to forget our home?

-- Thomas Watson

How beautiful the leaves

How beautiful the leaves grow old,
how full of light and color are their last days.

--John Burroughs

Prayer to a Shepherd King

I thought I had posted this several months ago, but did not.

Prayer to a Shepherd King
(Fr. Robert Dalgleish)

Your eyes find me
know me
search me
reveal me
disarm me
unclothe me
love me
delight in me
cherish me
comfort me
calm me.

Call me
draw me
entice me closer to you
my beloved Shepherd
my sovereign King!

How do I remember you?
How do I not forget about you
in the busyness of my life?
Ah; To listen for your whisperings,
to look for your revealings
to sense your appearings.

O Lord, forgive me.
I am so slow of mind and hard of heart.

Renew my mind
renew my heart
draw me anew to you
awaken my love for you
so that my very heart's yearnings
will awaken me to your callings.

O Lord, may this New Year
be one in which I look for
and find you
again and again
every day.

Amen

April

From The Wasteland:

April is the cruelest month, breeding
Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire, stirring
Dull roots with spring rain.

--T.S. Eliot

There is no other stream

From The Silver Chair by C.S. Lewis:

“If you’re thirsty, you may drink.”

For a second she stared here and there, wondering who had spoken. Then the voice said again, “If you are thirsty, come and drink,” and of course she remembered what Scrubb had said about animals talking in that other world, and realized that it was the lion speaking. Anyway, she had seen its lips move this time and the voice was not like a man’s. It was deeper, wilder, and stronger; a sort of heavy, golden voice. It did not make her any less frightened than she had been before, but it made her frightened in rather a different way.

“Are you not thirsty?” said the Lion. “I’m dying of thirst,” said Jill. “Then drink,” said the Lion. “May I -- could I-- would you mind going away while I do?” said Jill. The Lion answered this only by a look and a very low growl. And as Jill gazed at its motionless bulk, she realized that she might as well have asked the whole mountain to move aside for her convenience.

The delicious rippling noise of the stream was driving her nearly frantic. “Will you promise not to--do anything to me, if I do come?” said Jill. “I make no promise,” said the Lion. Jill was so thirsty now that, without noticing it, she had come a step nearer. “Do you eat girls?” she said. “I have swallowed up girls and boys, women and men, kings and emperors, cities and realms,” said the Lion. It didn’t say this as if it were boasting, nor as if it were sorry, nor as if it were angry. It just said it.

“I daren’t come and drink,” said Jill. “Then you will die of thirst,” said the Lion. “Oh dear!” said Jill, coming another step nearer. “I suppose I must go and look for another stream then.”

“There is no other stream,” said the Lion.

“It never occurred to Jill to disbelieve the Lion-- no one who had seen his stern face could do that--and her mind suddenly made itself up. It was the worst thing she had ever had to do, but she went forward to the stream, knelt down and began scooping up water in her hand. It was the coldest, most refreshing water she had ever tasted. You didn’t need to drink much of it, for it quenched your thirst at once. Before she tasted it she had been intending to make a dash away from the Lion the moment she had finished. Now, she realized that this would be on the whole the most dangerous thing of all.”

Seeking rest in trivial things

This is the reason why we have no ease of heart or soul, for we are seeking our rest in trivial things that cannot satisfy, and not seeking to know God, almighty, all-wise, all good. He is true rest. It is his will that we should know him, and his pleasure that we should rest in him. Nothing less will satisfy us.

--Julian of Norwich

A web of words

I want to spin a web of words
to draw you in
and wrap you in gauzy strands
a silvery cocoon of thought
not to eat you
but to keep you by my side
as I sit and weave.

--Chantelle Franc

Play is not enough

No one who really wants to count for God can afford to play at Christianity.

-- H. A. Ironside

On Cabbages and Pigs

From The Baptism of Imagination: A conversation with Peter Kreeft:

"Well, the cabbages-and-pigs image recalls John Stuart Mill's statement. He said it is better to be Socrates dissatisfied than a pig satisfied. So, if you go to a counselor to overcome your dissatisfaction and exchange it for satisfaction, I think that can be very foolish. There's a good satisfaction and a bad satisfaction, a good dissatisfaction and a bad dissatisfaction. If you have a lover's quarrel with the world because you have been taught to expect happiness from this world yet you haven't found it and don't know why, that's a very good dissatisfaction. If a counselor throws cold water on the fire of that discontent, great harm is done. It's worth having the bad discontent in order to preserve the good discontent, which is the search for God. I think discontent is the second best thing in the world, because it brings us to God."
.
.
.
"One of the reasons Christians are generally happier than nonbelievers is that they don't expect so much of the world. They look at the world as a gymnasium, or a training ground, or, if they are terribly pessimistic, as a prison. The world can be a wonderful barracks, a fantastic motel, but it's a lousy home."

My favorite drink

"What I like to drink most is wine that belongs to others."

--Diogenes

From The Baptism of Imagination: A conversation with Peter Kreeft:

"Faith and hope and love all have a moreness to them. Faith means I trust you more than I can prove, hope means I hope for more than I can attain and grasp, and love means there is more in you than I can possibly love worthily."

Choice

I'd always thought that "choice" was a rather cowardly way to refer to something as seismic as abortion, but recently realized that it's actually a very appropriate term. All of life's nobility and destruction hinge on choice.

Despite God's direction, we chose to eat of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, and continue to choose it today. The choice between self donation or self preservation is ever before us.

We are all called to choose, and the choices are very, very hard.

Birth pangs of God

I wonder what the birth pangs of God were like, when Jesus proceeded from him?

Blessed are women

Three of my friends are expecting, and so I've been thinking about babies and loving God.

We are so very blessed to be women. In bearing new life, we are given a very special way in which to contemplate love of God. We can ponder Mary holding her precious son, and put ourselves in her place, transferring the intensity of love we felt for our own new child to this one, who is Lord of All.

Women can explore love of Him in ways which men cannot.

It is a very great gift. We are so very blessed.

On statements one should not believe

I wonder if the big bad wolf smiled down into that child's face and toothily whispered:

"Don't worry, I won't bite you."

The Presence of Love

The Presence of Love by Samuel Taylor Coleridge

And in Life's noisiest hour,
There whispers still the ceaseless Love of Thee,
The heart's Self-solace and soliloquy.

You mould my Hopes, you fashion me within;
And to the leading Love-throb in the Heart
Thro' all my Being, thro' my pulse's beat;
You lie in all my many Thoughts, like Light,
Like the fair light of Dawn, or summer Eve
On rippling Stream, or cloud-reflecting Lake.

And looking to the Heaven, that bends above you,
How oft! I bless the Lot that made me love you.

Happy New Year

May this year be one of wonder and expectation.

Amen.

Breath of Heaven (song lyrics)

Listen here...

I have traveled
many moonless nights,
Cold and weary
with a babe inside,
And I wonder what I’ve done.
Holy father you have come,
And chosen me now
to carry your son.

I am waiting
in a silent prayer.
I am frightened
by the load I bear.
In a world as cold as stone,
Must I walk this path alone?
Be with me now.
Be with me now.

Breath of heaven,
Hold me together,
Be forever near me,
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven,
Lighten my darkness,
Pour over me your holiness,
For you are holy.
Breath of heaven.

Do you wonder
as you watch my face,
If a wiser one
should have had my place,
But I offer all I am
For the mercy of your plan.
Help me be strong.
Help me be.
Help me.

Breath of heaven,
Hold me together,
Be forever near me,
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven,
Lighten my darkness,
Pour over me your holiness,
For you are holy.

Breath of heaven,
Hold me together,
Be forever near me,
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven,
Lighten my darkness,
Pour over me your holiness,
For you are holy.
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven.

Love is a hungry infant

How strange it is
to love a love that must be hushed
like a hungry infant
crying out in a place of silence.

--Chantelle Franc

The most in love

A believer is surely a lover, yea, of all lovers the most in love.

--Sören Kierkegaard

My favorite gift

One of the many gifts bestowed on me this Christmas was from God himself.

Our Christmas Eve service was a series of hymns and readings, and I helped choreograph at a rehearsal last Monday night. Some changes were needed as various reader's were not available, and I volunteered to take on any readings that were open. The guys shuffled the readings around, and assigned me one, but I didn't look at it until the next day. When I did, I discovered that it was Luke 1:26-58; the annunciation and the visitation.

God's generosity and personal attention never ceases to amaze me.

Clean up time

Ah... the hubub is mostly over. What sweet relief.

The mystery of life...

The mystery of life is not a problem to be solved but a reality to be experienced.

-- Aart van der Leeuw

Thomas, my twin

Another thought on Thomas.

How like him we are as we probe around our faith. Jesus stands before us willingly and we thrust our fingers into His wounds, stretching and pulling them as we selfishly seek satisfaction.

The reason that Thomas is a twin is that we are just like him.

Forgive me Lord, and heal my disbelief.

Merry Christmas

A very holy and merry Christmas to all. May God bless us every one.

Our fiat

During mass on Sunday it occurred to me that our yes may actually be harder than Mary's was. We generally do not have the benefit of a visit by an angel, or a tangible experience of union with the Holy Spirit as she did.

Monday's gospel reading described Thomas' disbelief, and seemed to potentially confirm this line of thought when it tells us that blessed are we who have not seen and yet believe.

Reflect on your blessings

Reflect on your present blessings, of which every man has many; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.

-- Charles Dickens

Thank you

Our Lady of the Snows: thank you for safe arrivals.

And now for some off-topic social commentary

Or is it?

It's OK, I'm Attractive.

C.S. Lewis on the Pain of God's Best

We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.

-- C. S. Lewis

Protect those who travel

It is snowing hard.

Blessed Mother, be with those who are traveling...

On joy and pain

From Ministry and Imagination, Ch 6:

"The fact is that contemplatives, who make the inward journey into the unconscious, frequently have spoken of the joy and pain, apparent opposites, that confronts them: the symbols and the diabols. Again and again I am reminded also of comments Castaneda makes, or rather quotations he records from his shaman. It is only when one claims to understand, that he is really 'in a mess.' The task of the 'warrior' is to achieve a balance between terror and wonder. The numinous and hidden quality of the vision, combined with the seeming multivocality of its symbols, are a common perception with those who surrender to the unconscious. Marghanita Laski, as we said before, has noted that 'ecstasy' has both its fearful and attractive dimensions, just as Otto spoke of the numinous as terrifying and fascinating."

On feeling God's presence

From Ministry and Imagination, Ch 6:

"It seems to me that when people say that they 'talk with Jesus' or 'feel Jesus in their hearts,' they are referring in part to a very superficial level of the unconscious, which we would identify by a kind of warm nostalgia they associate with pleasant memories of their parents, probably quite distorted, or of the 'good old days.' This is not really the content of the unconscious at any level of depth. The feelings of the unconscious are more frequently identified with a sense of joy, as described by C.S. Lewis in his autobiography; a strange warmth, such as John Wesley testified to at Aldersgate; a celestial orgasm, as Teresa of Avila relates; a sublime melody, as the fourteenth-century mystic, Richard Rolle, claims; or the oceanic experience such as Castaneda himself records."

The soul that walks in love...

The soul that walks in love neither tires others nor grows tired.

-- John of the Cross

On Passion

From Ministry and Imagination, Ch 6:

"The fact that 'passion' means both suffering and a frenzied release of the libido is not altogether accidental. Sexual intercourse and suffering have long been associated in man's mind. There is the notion that in coitus we die a little. It is also true that we pursue a vision that lies just outside our grasp. Ovid wrote somewhat facetiously Omne animal post coitum triste ('Every animal after coitus is sad'), and it is true (even without qualifications). Somehow we can sustain the sexual union, but we should come away with our routine existence more informed by what it might become. This is as true for any deep relationship as it is for mating, and it depends upon our willingness to trust ourselves, to let go of our self-centeredness in that meeting.

That very act of letting go, fueled by the mating urge (Eros), renders us vulnerable. Eros is no respecter of the conventions of society, as necessary as they are. Passion draws us into the abyss, with that curious mixture of pain and longing--that strange bittersweet feeling we never outgrow--and we risk that we might find ourselves in the beloved. Our reason tells us we are only foolish, and it is half right. There is only a thin line between 'puppy love' and the passion of the mating bond. The proof lies in the return to the world of obligation and role. Have we glimpsed in the mystery of love that which enables us to live out our life with a deeper compassion for ourselves and those whom we serve?"

Everything comes from love

Everything comes from love, all is ordained for the salvation of man, God does nothing without this goal in mind.

-- Catherine of Siena

Litany of Humility

Litany of Humility

Written by Cardinal Merry del Val. He was accustomed to recite this prayer daily after the celebration of Holy Mass.

O Jesus meek and humble of heart, Hear me.

From the desire of being esteemed,
From the desire of being loved,
From the desire of being extolled,
From the desire of being honored,
From the desire of being praised,
From the desire of being preferred to others,
From the desire of being consulted,
From the desire of being approved,
Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being humiliated,
From the fear of being despised,
From the fear of suffering rebukes,
From the fear of being calumniated,
From the fear of being forgotten,
From the fear of being ridiculed,
From the fear of being wronged,
From the fear of being suspected,
Deliver me, Jesus.

That others may be loved more than I,
That others may be esteemed more than I,
That in the opinion of the world, others may increase, and I may decrease,
That others may be chosen and I set aside,
That others may be praised and I unnoticed,
That others may be preferred to me in everything,
That others may become holier than I, provided that I become as holy as I should,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it. Amen.

No electric blanket needed

I took a nap yesterday afternoon (ah, glorious!) and was again blessed with a supernatural warmth, like a blanket of warm water draped over my body. Part of the reason it feels so unusual is that the sensation is only on the top, as if the blankets were electric. It's not the kind of overheated sweatiness all around you which makes you throw back the covers for relief. It's a directional, radiant heat that nearly pulses. It reminds me a bit of the heat you feel when standing before a fire or a woodstove.

This has happened a handful of times throughout the last year or so, most typically while napping. It keeps me in a state of semi-wakefulness, in which I simply luxuriate in the experience.

Truly glorious.

God's gifts are so interesting...

A different state of being

Prayer this morning was nearly exquisite.

Sometimes in prayer I am transported to another state of being. It was not quite ecstatic today, but could have developed into that depth I think under different (and quieter) circumstances.

While worshiping I again felt the burning sensation of love and absence around my heart, and I imagined His hands wrapping around it, cradling it, sheltering it, warming it.

Protecting it.

I was reminded of God gathering His chicks together into the comfortable warmth of His bosom, and of us being sheltered beneath His wings.

But the image of those hands cradling my heart were the strongest, and the truest.

And the warmth and burning sensation grew as I worshiped Him.

If this is even a hint of the perpetual worship that is to occur in heaven, I can hardly wait. I can see how you could never grow tired of it; it is a different state of being.

Not one blade of grass

There is not one blade of grass, there is no color in this world
that is not intended to make us rejoice.

-- John Calvin

Pain and delight at the same time

This passage from Ministry and Imagination reminds me of my intense experience of loss while on retreat:

"What we are aware of as a fulfillment of our religious quest on the primary level is the ambiguous feeling of both fear and love. We find ourselves gazing into a mystery, which would seem to engage us as an overweening power and yet flood us with an unimaginable assurance of worth. Such experience is not of equal impact in all individuals. Laski described ecstasies of withdrawal and intensity; and perhaps one person is more aware of their smallness and alienation before the mystery, while another is rewarded with the gift of wholeness and unity. At the same time, I do know that reporters as different as St. Teresa of Avila (1515-1582) and the contemporary American anthropologist, Carlos Castaneda, describe mystical or transcendental experiences in which there is an intense level of pain and delight at the same time."

Love of person for person

To have known God vaguely but very really in nature and humanity, and then to discover him translated into a human comrade, is to find awe quickened into devotion, and reverence into love. The Eternal may stir me in certain moods and certain elements of my being: only love of person for person can possess me entire.

--Charles Raven

Prayer of abandonment

Father,
I abandon myself into your hands;
do with me what you will.
Whatever you may do, I thank you:
I am ready for all, I accept all.

Let only your will be done in me,
and in all your creatures -
I wish no more than this, O Lord.

Into your hands I commend my soul:
I offer it to you with all the love of my heart,
for I love you, Lord,
and so need to give myself,
to surrender myself into your hands
without reserve,
and with boundless confidence,
for you are my Father.

Joy vs. unbelief

The opposite of joy is not sorrow. It is unbelief.

-- Leslie Weatherhead

Joy vs. happiness

The Bible talks plentifully about joy, but it nowhere talks
about a "happy Christian." Happiness depends on what happens;
joy does not. Remember, Jesus Christ had joy, and He prays "that
they might have my joy fulfilled in themselves."

-- Oswald Chambers

Mother Teresa on joy

One filled with joy preaches without preaching.

-- Mother Teresa

Survival of the prayed up

World's collided last night, and everyone survived. Something tells me our Blessed Mother helped, because rosaries were wielded in one of them.

As Fr. Corapi says: My mama wears combat boots.

Fuse me to the cross

While praying yesterday God sent me lots of good stuff, though I don't remember most now. I should keep my journal handy to capture His gifts.

The strongest of images He sent was of His cross being searing hot. I regularly imagine physically uniting myself to Christ on the cross, sometimes hanging with him, my back to His chest, sometimes clinging to the cross directly. In this meditation, I pressed up against and wrapped my arms around it, and it was so hot that the flesh which touched it was fused, so that the cross and I became one.

It was an agony of pain but it was right and good and required.

Gift from the Sea

A friend at work gave me a lovely little book by Anne Morrow Lindbergh called Gift from the Sea. I can tell it will be a book to savor. This from the end of the first, small chapter:

"The sea does not reward those who are too anxious, too greedy, or too impatient. To dig for treasures shows not only impatience and greed, but lack of faith. Patience, patience, patience is what the sea teaches. Patience and faith. One should lie empty, open, choiceless as a beach--waiting for a gift from the sea."

I need to fast...

I am all too often astonishingly pathetic and self indulgent.

Which reminds me; I need to fast more.

When world's collide

I stand upon the precipice of worlds colliding, and tremble.

Life, change, and cultural relevance

I had several good discussions with my 20 year old daughter over the Thanksgiving holiday. One of them had to do with my objection to Catholic seminaries which are not loyal to magisterial teaching. In this discussion, she commented that religion which does not change is dead.

One of the books I read during my brief stint at one such seminary suggested that it is the job of each generation to renew and reform the church and the liturgy.

I think both of these statements are accurate within the context of truth. Each generation needs to find ways to present the truth in a way in which the culture can most effectively respond to it. But the emphasis must be on the truth being the truth.

Truth stands outside of cultural relevance. It is what it is.

Change for the sake of cultural conformity and "relevance" is not life, it is certain death.

Joy vs. pleasure

God offers us joy, and we waste our lives searching for pleasure.